thoughts for food

Impulse and Procrastination

2009-06-16T21:46:00.007-04:00

I will end how I began!

liangsta.wordpress.com

I'm not conforming. I just think its cooler..and prettier :D

Song to Check Out!

2009-06-08T21:46:00.005-04:00

Dude!! Seriously feel like I'm in high school again with this song. Bahaha..

I randomly found it and immediately realized this was my favorite song during my transition into Christianity. So, it's an old song.. think it came out in 2005/6 when I was around junior/senior year. ;)

The band is Seventh Day Slumber. Their most recently released album is mostly covers of other worship songs but I really like it. The lead singer, Joseph Rojas, has an awesome testimony and can be read here!

It's so, so weird revisiting the testimony and song. Just thought I'd share =)

Why I will be MIA for the rest of the summer.....

2009-06-04T16:30:00.005-04:00

June: Physics, DAT studying, applying to schools, working my two jobs
July: DAT, applying to schools, NEPAL

It's really sad. Everytime I'm not studying, I'm worrying about the fact that I'm not studying. Yes, even right now, I'm thinking about how I should be studying. Ah! God is my only hope of survival.

I guess these next two months are just going to continue to follow the trend of last semester, and I can't help but be overwhelmed. I don't know why I'm always in these situations, God HAS to be trying to teach me something. Maybe it's the same old concept He's been drilling into my head to let go of my future.

Is it possible to let go completely and still have motivation?

Joy is not a feeling

2009-05-21T09:41:00.007-04:00

an excerpt from something i was reading from the Ravi Zacharias ministries(couldn't find the author)...

"Many times in our spiritual journey, we struggle with the boredom of routine. If we aren’t “feeling anything” or “getting something out of” our worship, prayer, or Scripture study, for example, then we believe that something isn’t right. But perhaps this sentiment belies a hidden disdain for the repetitive nature of discipline and routine. We see discipline as antithetical to the art of spiritual growth and freedom. We believe that since the nature of the Holy Spirit is like the wind--not knowing where it comes from or where it is going--the nature of spiritual devotion and growth is free-flowing and unbounded by discipline or structure.

As a result, we often move from experience to experience or church to church chasing after the wind of spiritual experience. Ritual, discipline, commitment, and structure seem impediments to growth, rather than the soil in which spiritual growth is nourished and fed. We falsely believe that spiritual transformation is like osmosis, a process over which we have little responsibility. Therefore, we are often wary of “spiritual disciplines” because we assume they engender the very boredom and routine we disdain.

Yet just as these artists expect that practice, routine, and even boredom are necessary disciplines of the creative life, so too should Christians. For spiritual practice sharpens skills and enhances our spiritual creativity. Routine and discipline are the structure in which our spiritual life flourishes and grows freely. In the gospel of John, Jesus makes this connection between art and discipline. He exhorts his followers to “abide” in him-- literally to rest and to take nourishment from the life that only Jesus can give to us (John 15:4-5). But as we abide we are told: “Just as the Father has loved me, I have also loved you; abide in my love. If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love; just as I have kept my Father’s commandments, and abide in his love. These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be made full” (John 15:9-11). Jesus insists that abiding in him includes keeping his commands. Joy freely flows from obedience!

How ironic this statement seems when the discipline of the Christian life does not always feel joyful. Living the Christian life often feels like monotonous routine. But joy is not a feeling, nor is it dependent on the whims of our personalities. Joy flows out of a life offered to God by following Jesus. Following Jesus involves both rest and routine that are often both tedious and difficult. But as we practice discipline, we come to experience fullness of joy--joy that comes through trusting in the One who produces in art and discipline something beautiful that remains."

Song to Check Out!

2009-05-19T14:33:00.007-04:00

Enough of the depressing posts and time for some good music!

Closer to Love- Mat Kearney

Christ is the ONLY WAY

2009-04-29T08:17:00.005-04:00

I was contemplating blogging this because family for me is a touchy subject as always. But I must blog it out because I can't write that fast on paper.

I LOVE MY MOM AND MY SISTER. I LOVE them, and I think I just recently realized this. They mean so much to me. I used to get so annoyed by them (I still kind of do) because they have the weirdest quirks and high demands but GAH I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM.

And I want them to come to God. I want them to see the truth and experience the magnificent joy that I have found. And I think I used to be afraid of what they thought of me because I wanted us to be on good terms. I didn't want awkwardness, I didn't want them to think I was crazy... so I stayed fairly silent.

But I think during these past couple weeks, I have realized HOW MUCH I LOVE THEM. And I think when you know you love somebody, you want them to know Christ INSANELY BAD. Because Christ is the TRUTH, He is the LIGHT, and He has the ONLY PATH to SALVATION and REDEMPTION of our sins. If I understood that, what would I have to fear??? Sometimes I lose sight of how GREAT Christ is and how TRUE and REAL He is. CHRIST IS THE ONLY WAY. HE IS THE ONLY WAY.

And now that I have captured the greatness of Christ again, I think I am free from the fear that I had with mom and sister.

Our family is so broken.. we're weird and crazy and messed up and putting the three of us together is usually guaranteed for disaster. I used to dream in middle school through high school of the future.. the family we would become. I seriously used to think of a time in the future (like when Sandy and I are in our late 20s).. when mom would change..when sister would forgive..when love was genuine. we'd finally be able to let go of the chains that kept our family from being..happy. We'll finally be that happy family that mom always pretends we are. And I realize it now.. CHRIST IS THE ONLY WAY, that this can happen. People just don't change..people just don't forgive..people just don't love, without Christ. The only way I know our family can be mended is through Christ. If they knew who Christ was..and the TRUTH of God's will.. His glory..His authority.. His LOVE.. Christ is the only way.

Lord, help me trust in your work with my mom and sister. Help me have peace, knowing that in the end, your will will be done. And may that give me peace and joy. Tear down their idols and open their eyes. If they could only see a glimpse of who you are, God, I know they would see how great your love is and how real and living you are. Lord I know how much you love them.. God, would you reveal yourself to them?

*if this made no sense please disregard because I don't know how to make this private.

I Don't Take God Seriously.

2009-04-25T10:12:00.005-04:00

These past few weeks have been incredibly overwhelming for me, with current situations, planning of the next few months, etc...and in the midst of it all, I just cannot seem to fully cling onto God. Everytime I think I've let go of my fears, the very next day all my burdens come rushing back.

One good thing is that I'm finally past the pitiful point of asking God "why things are so hard", but now I'm asking WHY I can't just TRUST Him. Only a few weeks ago, I was testifying to how when I finally let go of the things I was afraid of, God truly pulled through for me. I remember how amazed I was.. how convicted I felt.. and how I knew it was ALL God. The other day I was praying, and during a time of "silence to listen to God", a phrase kept repeating itself..'Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you'. I remember afterwards feeling assured that God will keep his promises.

But here I am again, stuck in this rut of anxieties, shouldering all my burdens, like everything depends on me. Do I still not understand that God reigns over ALL? Do I still not believe that He will provide for me everything that I NEED? Why can I still not trust Him when He has shown me SO MUCH of how GREAT He is? Oh, my feebleness..

My conclusion for why fears arise...I take myself too seriously and don't take God seriously enough.

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"Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, 'Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." So we say with confidence, "The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?" Hebrews 13:5-6.

mini lightbulb moment

2009-04-02T10:12:00.001-04:00

God teaches me in the weirdest ways.
what does it mean to "wait upon the lord?"

ok, i have dwelled on this question for FOREVER! through songs (everlasting god by chris tomlin) and through scripture (isaiah 40:31. psalm 27:14..more), i have never understood this concept. moreover, i never understood how we wait.. everytime i read it, i feel convicted to do so because I know it's God's word, but i'm not understanding how i can and then i stifle the thought and kind of breeze right through the verse...

today, before jumping to the HOW, i tried to understand WHAT IT MEANS to wait on God.

super lame, but in my quest of putting it all together, i looked up the meaning of "wait".
(I deleted the totally unrelated ones like "serve tables at restaurant"):
wait:
a: to stay in place in expectation of
b: to look forward expectantly
c: to hold back expectantly

so, IF i was waiting on the Lord.. that would mean that i am completely dependant on God. i would always "hold back", letting God take control, and waiting on God to show his plans for me, not relying on myself. it would mean that i am patient, for i am "staying in place in expectation of". it would mean that i have given up everything to Him and that i would be just waiting for Him to decide everything for me. IF i was waiting upon the Lord, not only would i be patient and dependant, but i would "look forward expectantly"..meaning the waiting wouldn't be full of anxiousness..but peaceful and joyful.

hm. i think it's finally all coming together--i dont know why it's so hard for me to understand this. oh the grace of God...

I WANT TO WAIT UPON THE LORD!

Psalm 27:4

2009-02-28T23:25:00.000-05:00

One thing I ask of the LORD,
this is what I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the LORD
all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD
and to seek him in his temple.

Amen.

EIGHT songs that rock my world at this moment

2009-02-21T12:52:00.000-05:00

1.) in the mystery-hillsong
2.) living for your glory-tim hughes
3.) everything-tim hughes
4.) captivated-shawn mcdonald
5.) hallelujuah-shawn mcdonald
6.) circus-britney spears (don't judge)
7.) poker face-lady gaga
8.) right round-flo rida

Simplicity

2009-02-19T15:19:00.000-05:00

I was ordering a smoothie today, and it was really hard because I wanted everything in it. I ended up adding random fruits into a basic mango peach smoothie. Then I took a sip, and realized something really.. simple.

I tend to like fancy, extravagant things. My food is always doused with crazy toppings. I always have these ideas that are so complicated sometimes that they are way over my head. I'm never satisfied with the simple.

As a high-schooler, I had big, big, big dreams. I wanted to change the world, and the only way I thought I could was through these unrealistic goals. Even now, as my views of my future shift, I still hold onto the desire to do something lavish and grand.

Maybe it is in the simplest things that we can make the greatest impact. As I drank my smoothie with mango, peach, banana, passionfruit, and 10-fruit juices.. I realized that maybe I think so complex that I tend to overlook the basics. I need to hold onto the simplicity that God offers. God's message is to know Him and follow Him with all your heart. It's so simple yet I add on all these grand thoughts that I lose track of the real reason. I want the only reason for ALL my choices to be "for God's glory". God doesn't demand lifestyle that directly changes the world. All He wants is faithfulness, and that lifestyle can be seen in the simplest forms.

Maybe I won't be traveling around the world or ever be featured on Oprah. But if what I am doing is for God, I will be satisfied whereever He puts me. As long as I am following God, then it will be His will and for His glory. I realize only God can change the world, and I only hope to be a part of it.

i love feeling convicted

2009-02-09T23:42:00.000-05:00

everyday. pride. anger. envy. it's a subtle feeling getting convicted, and i never really grasp the entire concept because i still struggle with these sins. thankfully, God just puts me in my place.

but once and a while, God convicts me through these huge revealing moments. it's during these times where i realize the full extent of my sin, my disobedience, unworthiness, and lack of faith. not to mention it's usually pretty sudden so it's completely emotionally draining.

and i love love love it.

even though God breaks me down completely and i feel so much sorrow and shame for not understanding before, it's really only through convictions where i know God is working in me. it's these moments where i can really, strongly feel God's presence, and even more, His love. for it is only because He loves us that he is willing to convict us--to bring us closer to Him, so that we can enjoy Him for all that He is. and as frustrating and draining as it can be, being convicted gives me hope that God has not given up on me. & i know that by faith alone, He can guide me away from the things that hold me back from loving Him with all I have.

so, i pray i keep getting convicted. i know there's a lot more on the way, and i'm truly thankful.

on another note, i probably spent an hour figuring out this blog-template business. never again.

“There’s probably no God. Now stop worrying and enjoy your life.”

2009-02-04T19:42:00.000-05:00

I've been reading so much recently how Christianity (or all religion, for that matter) is just an emotional crutch for ones that are weak and are not willing to place blame on themselves for the consequences of their life. Today I read that an Atheist organization has plastered ads on buses in London:

When I came to Christ about 4 years ago, I was an emotional wreck. I don't really know what I was going through or what I was thinking, but I think I secretly wanted something to make me feel better about the issues of my life. During my time dealing with depression, I found God. Therefore, I used to wonder if my faith came just from my wishful hopes that my life was not in my hands. It is a question that I used to always come back to during my times of doubt.

During my walk with Christ, it's amazing to see how God has taught me so much. How can we submit to God and understand His great majesty, if we don't acknowledge our own weakness? When we are satisfied with what the world is offering, we are too full of pride in ourselves to realize that there is a God. It is often brokenness God uses to bring people into the truth.

With that said, I believe with all my entirety when I say that my faith is NOT a delusion. I am not looking for a way out of blame or fear of uncertainty. In response to the Atheist campaign, a life poured out to Christ does entail worries and convictions that non-Christians often never face. However, for me, it is only a life with Christ that I can fully enjoy life. With God's word, I get the privilege of knowing God's wonders and how He works. With prayer and time with God, I receive peace about unsettling situations knowing that God's timing and wisdom overcomes any human understanding. Just knowing God and what He has done has allowed to accept my past, enjoy the present, and look forward to the future.

impulse and procrastination.

2009-01-29T16:16:00.000-05:00

So I'm tired of studying and feeling a little impulsive so I decided I'm going to try to start a blog. This was kind of a new years resolution, so we'll see how long I last..usually I forget about these things or just decide it's not worth it after a while. But at the moment, I'm excited to see where this takes me.