Impulse and Procrastination

I will end how I began!

liangsta.wordpress.com

I'm not conforming. I just think its cooler..and prettier :D

Song to Check Out!

Dude!! Seriously feel like I'm in high school again with this song. Bahaha..

I randomly found it and immediately realized this was my favorite song during my transition into Christianity. So, it's an old song.. think it came out in 2005/6 when I was around junior/senior year. ;)



The band is Seventh Day Slumber. Their most recently released album is mostly covers of other worship songs but I really like it. The lead singer, Joseph Rojas, has an awesome testimony and can be read here!

It's so, so weird revisiting the testimony and song. Just thought I'd share =)

Why I will be MIA for the rest of the summer.....

June: Physics, DAT studying, applying to schools, working my two jobs
July: DAT, applying to schools, NEPAL

It's really sad. Everytime I'm not studying, I'm worrying about the fact that I'm not studying. Yes, even right now, I'm thinking about how I should be studying. Ah! God is my only hope of survival.

I guess these next two months are just going to continue to follow the trend of last semester, and I can't help but be overwhelmed. I don't know why I'm always in these situations, God HAS to be trying to teach me something. Maybe it's the same old concept He's been drilling into my head to let go of my future.

Is it possible to let go completely and still have motivation?

Joy is not a feeling

an excerpt from something i was reading from the Ravi Zacharias ministries(couldn't find the author)...

"Many times in our spiritual journey, we struggle with the boredom of routine. If we aren’t “feeling anything” or “getting something out of” our worship, prayer, or Scripture study, for example, then we believe that something isn’t right. But perhaps this sentiment belies a hidden disdain for the repetitive nature of discipline and routine. We see discipline as antithetical to the art of spiritual growth and freedom. We believe that since the nature of the Holy Spirit is like the wind--not knowing where it comes from or where it is going--the nature of spiritual devotion and growth is free-flowing and unbounded by discipline or structure.

As a result, we often move from experience to experience or church to church chasing after the wind of spiritual experience. Ritual, discipline, commitment, and structure seem impediments to growth, rather than the soil in which spiritual growth is nourished and fed. We falsely believe that spiritual transformation is like osmosis, a process over which we have little responsibility. Therefore, we are often wary of “spiritual disciplines” because we assume they engender the very boredom and routine we disdain.

Yet just as these artists expect that practice, routine, and even boredom are necessary disciplines of the creative life, so too should Christians. For spiritual practice sharpens skills and enhances our spiritual creativity. Routine and discipline are the structure in which our spiritual life flourishes and grows freely. In the gospel of John, Jesus makes this connection between art and discipline. He exhorts his followers to “abide” in him-- literally to rest and to take nourishment from the life that only Jesus can give to us (John 15:4-5). But as we abide we are told: “Just as the Father has loved me, I have also loved you; abide in my love. If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love; just as I have kept my Father’s commandments, and abide in his love. These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be made full” (John 15:9-11). Jesus insists that abiding in him includes keeping his commands. Joy freely flows from obedience!

How ironic this statement seems when the discipline of the Christian life does not always feel joyful. Living the Christian life often feels like monotonous routine. But joy is not a feeling, nor is it dependent on the whims of our personalities. Joy flows out of a life offered to God by following Jesus. Following Jesus involves both rest and routine that are often both tedious and difficult. But as we practice discipline, we come to experience fullness of joy--joy that comes through trusting in the One who produces in art and discipline something beautiful that remains."

Song to Check Out!

Enough of the depressing posts and time for some good music!

Closer to Love- Mat Kearney

Christ is the ONLY WAY

I was contemplating blogging this because family for me is a touchy subject as always. But I must blog it out because I can't write that fast on paper.

I LOVE MY MOM AND MY SISTER. I LOVE them, and I think I just recently realized this. They mean so much to me. I used to get so annoyed by them (I still kind of do) because they have the weirdest quirks and high demands but GAH I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM.

And I want them to come to God. I want them to see the truth and experience the magnificent joy that I have found. And I think I used to be afraid of what they thought of me because I wanted us to be on good terms. I didn't want awkwardness, I didn't want them to think I was crazy... so I stayed fairly silent.

But I think during these past couple weeks, I have realized HOW MUCH I LOVE THEM. And I think when you know you love somebody, you want them to know Christ INSANELY BAD. Because Christ is the TRUTH, He is the LIGHT, and He has the ONLY PATH to SALVATION and REDEMPTION of our sins. If I understood that, what would I have to fear??? Sometimes I lose sight of how GREAT Christ is and how TRUE and REAL He is. CHRIST IS THE ONLY WAY. HE IS THE ONLY WAY.

And now that I have captured the greatness of Christ again, I think I am free from the fear that I had with mom and sister.

Our family is so broken.. we're weird and crazy and messed up and putting the three of us together is usually guaranteed for disaster. I used to dream in middle school through high school of the future.. the family we would become. I seriously used to think of a time in the future (like when Sandy and I are in our late 20s).. when mom would change..when sister would forgive..when love was genuine. we'd finally be able to let go of the chains that kept our family from being..happy. We'll finally be that happy family that mom always pretends we are. And I realize it now.. CHRIST IS THE ONLY WAY, that this can happen. People just don't change..people just don't forgive..people just don't love, without Christ. The only way I know our family can be mended is through Christ. If they knew who Christ was..and the TRUTH of God's will.. His glory..His authority.. His LOVE.. Christ is the only way.

Lord, help me trust in your work with my mom and sister. Help me have peace, knowing that in the end, your will will be done. And may that give me peace and joy. Tear down their idols and open their eyes. If they could only see a glimpse of who you are, God, I know they would see how great your love is and how real and living you are. Lord I know how much you love them.. God, would you reveal yourself to them?

*if this made no sense please disregard because I don't know how to make this private.

I Don't Take God Seriously.

These past few weeks have been incredibly overwhelming for me, with current situations, planning of the next few months, etc...and in the midst of it all, I just cannot seem to fully cling onto God. Everytime I think I've let go of my fears, the very next day all my burdens come rushing back.

One good thing is that I'm finally past the pitiful point of asking God "why things are so hard", but now I'm asking WHY I can't just TRUST Him. Only a few weeks ago, I was testifying to how when I finally let go of the things I was afraid of, God truly pulled through for me. I remember how amazed I was.. how convicted I felt.. and how I knew it was ALL God. The other day I was praying, and during a time of "silence to listen to God", a phrase kept repeating itself..'Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you'. I remember afterwards feeling assured that God will keep his promises.

But here I am again, stuck in this rut of anxieties, shouldering all my burdens, like everything depends on me. Do I still not understand that God reigns over ALL? Do I still not believe that He will provide for me everything that I NEED? Why can I still not trust Him when He has shown me SO MUCH of how GREAT He is? Oh, my feebleness..

My conclusion for why fears arise...I take myself too seriously and don't take God seriously enough.

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"Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, 'Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." So we say with confidence, "The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?" Hebrews 13:5-6.